My Mom Has Dementia: When Others Come Around She Fakes It Until She Makes It And I Am Left Carrying The Burden!

My Mom Has Dementia: When Others Come Around She Fakes It Until She Makes It And I Am Left Carrying The Burden!

When dementia strikes our loved ones, it can cast an unbearable burden on our families. One of my client’s  mom is no exception. Dementia has left her adult son carrying weighted responsibility. Despite having dementia, his mom tries her best to put on a brave face when others come around. In other words, “she fakes it until she makes it.” When she isn’t able to do so she decides to stay home in fear of others seeing her in this position. It’s difficult to watch someone you love struggle with dementia and feel helpless and hopeles. He  stays motivated by his love and loyalty to his mother and entire family. While dementia may have  taken away some of her physical and cognitive abilities, she still has moments of that same spark of spunk and charm that won his heart as a child.. He  provides care and support to his beloved mother,  because dementia cannot and will not break the strong bond they share. 

No matter how hard dementia makes it for him, his mother’s love will always be the driving force behind their family’s journey of living.  He  is  determined to persevere and do whatever is necessary to keep his  mom healthy, safe, and as happy as possible, even if that means carrying the burden of her dementia. Despite dementia’s effects, he remains hopeful that he  can find strength in the  togetherness of his family. With love, patience, and understanding,  he knows that they will make it through this difficult time. The bond between his mom and him is true proof that dementia cannot defeat love! 

Things to Try When Your Elderly Parent Seems Irrational

Sometimes, dementia can cause elderly parents to experience changes in their behavior. This can make it difficult for family members to communicate with and understand them. It is important to remember that dementia does not diminish the love a parent feels for their family and loved ones.  There may be times when your loved one behaves differently than before the disease. When communicating with an elderly parent who has dementia, it is essential to try to remain calm and patient throughout the conversation. Doing so will help both of you better understand each other. Additionally, allowing extra time for conversations can help ensure that everyone involved feels heard and respected. 

It’s also important to acknowledge that dementia can be a burden on both the  elderly parent and their family. Finding ways to support and care for your loved one can help alleviate some of that burden and ensure they are receiving the best possible care. Finally, it’s essential to recognize that dementia affects everyone differently. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to handle a situation with an elderly parent who has dementia. Understanding what works best for each person  can help foster a positive relationship with your elderly parent despite dementia-related challenges. 

By following these steps, families can create a supportive environment for their elderly parents living with dementia which allows everyone to experience love and connection even in the midst of difficult times. 

Adrian Allotey, is living a purposeful life as a result of responding to a universal calling; service to elders and their loved ones. As an eldercare specialist, aging companion, and end-of-life doula, she has made it her life’s mission to promote the elder years as a sacred, beautiful, honorable stage of life.   She brings quality of life, mental stimulation, engagement, and socialization to the aging and peace of mind to their adult children and caregivers.  For More Information, check out